George looked up in amazement to find, a great big gorilla standing over him! he could have sworn that his mother were standing in front of him, and now all of a sudden a gorilla appeared! The only explanation possible was that George’s mother had turned into a gorilla. This didn’t figure boxes only turned into other boxes, trees or peat! So how had the gorilla come to be there rather than mummy box?
Having spent so long away from home exploring he had missed a lot at home, and still didn’t know that his parents had been box-napped! There was an animal cult that had started last Wednesday about 3.45 pm in a small east London shed aptly named ‘secret cult shed’. The main aims of said cult was to stop post-inanimate objects namely boxes from leading normal animate lives. They believed only things animate before the disaster could shop in Tescos and own property (they hated it when a person walked up and said excuse me these are human shops. This just confused the hell out of them; they were slightly on the simple side).
The box family being post-inanimate objects made them a prime target. They had found some technology developed by the evil genius that transformed them temporally into anything at all as long as what they were changing into existed already this was called a morphicator. This is why George’s parents were currently tied up and locked in a pretty miffed cellar (it hated having its door locked because the lock stuck and the door was always kicked which made it grumpy, the cellar just couldn’t deal with a grumpy door).
The gorilla had on this day, forgotten to charge his morphicator batteries. They ran out at a pretty crucial point of the evil plan, capturing a soggy George! His ability to escape from strange and improbable situation confused the gorilla army. They liked logic and George followed no existing form of logic now or ever. They wanted to put an end to this, and his unlikely friendship with his bedroom, Roomy.
Saturday 20 November 2010
Chapter eleven
Some thing that had always worried George was his existence, he had always figured that post-animate objects had one main floor in life weren't actually alive so they never died. If an object wasn't very useful in life they would ended up in a rubbish dump where they would have to spend a lifetime silently decomposing while all the useful, clean items could carry on their day to day life in a wonderful world with motion and speech not just empty thoughts.
It terrified George the idea of the great rubbish dump. He had always kept himself clean and special. His mummy made him useful in a boxey manner always carrying some useful items around and never shying away from noble box challenges, such as moving house or shipping things around. All his life he was obsessed with keeping clean, he'd go round collecting different types of box cleaners, from big ones to small one, ones that worked one ones that just made him wet and he regularly cleaned behind his flaps. He went to box school like a good little box, but he'd never go near any rubbish bins and still the nightmare would plague him of being silent and still for an eternity till he was nothing but dust or if he was lucky peat.
During the night, he woke suddenly, jumping from the thought of rubbish dumps to reality or some vague approximation of it. He ran down the stairs for a glass of water that was wet, sometimes boxes needed liquid too. But he fell down the stairs and got wet this was one of his worst nightmares! He needed a hairdryer to dry off and fast! but it was broken! He was in trouble and panicked shouting help and attempted to dry himself using a towel that had handily walked up to him and said he would help dabbing him. His mum rushed out to help him in a panic. She found in a wet soggy pile on the stairs not looking happy at all what so ever.
“How dare you! Come in here with wet soggy socks!” yelled George’s mother. George had never ever seen mother so angry! This made little sense to him mostly because he wasn’t wearing socks or to that point, didn’t even own any socks! His mother knew this so why had she shouted it?
It terrified George the idea of the great rubbish dump. He had always kept himself clean and special. His mummy made him useful in a boxey manner always carrying some useful items around and never shying away from noble box challenges, such as moving house or shipping things around. All his life he was obsessed with keeping clean, he'd go round collecting different types of box cleaners, from big ones to small one, ones that worked one ones that just made him wet and he regularly cleaned behind his flaps. He went to box school like a good little box, but he'd never go near any rubbish bins and still the nightmare would plague him of being silent and still for an eternity till he was nothing but dust or if he was lucky peat.
During the night, he woke suddenly, jumping from the thought of rubbish dumps to reality or some vague approximation of it. He ran down the stairs for a glass of water that was wet, sometimes boxes needed liquid too. But he fell down the stairs and got wet this was one of his worst nightmares! He needed a hairdryer to dry off and fast! but it was broken! He was in trouble and panicked shouting help and attempted to dry himself using a towel that had handily walked up to him and said he would help dabbing him. His mum rushed out to help him in a panic. She found in a wet soggy pile on the stairs not looking happy at all what so ever.
“How dare you! Come in here with wet soggy socks!” yelled George’s mother. George had never ever seen mother so angry! This made little sense to him mostly because he wasn’t wearing socks or to that point, didn’t even own any socks! His mother knew this so why had she shouted it?
Chapter ten.
He was back in the forest with the ninja llamas, roomy and the posh llama.
“You smashed my cup there old pal!” Exclaimed the posh llama
“Never mind the cup, what about the quickly advancing ninja llamas?” Yelled Roomy backing away with gathering speed as the others stared at him then back at the ninjas before reacting. The posh llama grabbed a convenient hanging tree vine and using super llama strength grabbed the two terrified objects and swung them up into the tree with him whilst kicking away half a dozen ninja llamas.
They were dragged into what they thought was going to be a tree trunk and the posh llama slammed the door behind them.
“So, I ought to tell you who I am didn’t I?” Said the llama is hushed tones. “I am an ex-ninja llama turned post-animate spy.” Offering his hoof to a stunned George, he said, “I am Fred The Second John Whatsitsname Frankington Hoofingtonlamppostwest, you can call me Alan.” George looked a Roomy and Roomy looked at George they were both very confused. “You may wonder why I am here,” Continued Alan llama, “I am here to spy on things, mostly the ninja llamas but I do a side line in confused objects but that is more of a hobby”
Alan went on explaining things for about two days by which time the objects were very hungry so started chewing on a window until it told them to stop it and pick on the chair in the corner that was licking a lamp stand.
Alan let the objects leave but not until his issued them with tiny ninja llama repellers, which, looked almost exactly, like chopsticks. George said they were but Alan insisted they were repellers in disguise. Roomy went on to use his for the Chinese takeaway they had ordered to stop the gnawing hunger caused by such a long speech.
“You smashed my cup there old pal!” Exclaimed the posh llama
“Never mind the cup, what about the quickly advancing ninja llamas?” Yelled Roomy backing away with gathering speed as the others stared at him then back at the ninjas before reacting. The posh llama grabbed a convenient hanging tree vine and using super llama strength grabbed the two terrified objects and swung them up into the tree with him whilst kicking away half a dozen ninja llamas.
They were dragged into what they thought was going to be a tree trunk and the posh llama slammed the door behind them.
“So, I ought to tell you who I am didn’t I?” Said the llama is hushed tones. “I am an ex-ninja llama turned post-animate spy.” Offering his hoof to a stunned George, he said, “I am Fred The Second John Whatsitsname Frankington Hoofingtonlamppostwest, you can call me Alan.” George looked a Roomy and Roomy looked at George they were both very confused. “You may wonder why I am here,” Continued Alan llama, “I am here to spy on things, mostly the ninja llamas but I do a side line in confused objects but that is more of a hobby”
Alan went on explaining things for about two days by which time the objects were very hungry so started chewing on a window until it told them to stop it and pick on the chair in the corner that was licking a lamp stand.
Alan let the objects leave but not until his issued them with tiny ninja llama repellers, which, looked almost exactly, like chopsticks. George said they were but Alan insisted they were repellers in disguise. Roomy went on to use his for the Chinese takeaway they had ordered to stop the gnawing hunger caused by such a long speech.
Sunday 14 November 2010
Chapter nine.
The llama jumped up quickly, George was startled!
“Not the Ninja llamas! Run!” shouted the llama, “Don’t smash the tea cups when you go! They are family heirlooms!”
The suddenness of this outburst was what startled and resulted in him falling off his chair backwards. In doing this he did he banged his head on something very hard knocking him out, all he could see in front of him was blackness. The noise of the ninja llamas started to fade out. He did smash a teacup.
The sun shone onto the sand, waking George up from his long sleep. As he opened his itchy eyes, he saw that while he was knocked out, he'd landed on a sandy beach. George sat pondering how he 'd got there. Little did he know that the evil sponges were coming to sing at him and feed him cheesecake from the Great Table! For some reason it seemed that Roomy was now wearing a tutu and had turned orange suddenly that wasn’t quite right. George looked back at the sponges and wondered what was going on he had the feelings of apprehension and fear. The realization hit him on his weirdly sore head.
George hated cheesecake and roomy hated signing! They screamed! The sponges were confused, most things like this, even the people who were hardest to please. The sponges hated humans though there was few these days after the inanimate objects took over. They wanted universe domination and they were well on their way. Slowly the beach faded away and George’s dreams changed as he slowly came round rubbing his head and wondering what the hell was going on he thought, ‘why does my head hurt so much, it seems the world is moving around quite a lot and why is that llama wearing cravats and drinking dry box tea?’
“Not the Ninja llamas! Run!” shouted the llama, “Don’t smash the tea cups when you go! They are family heirlooms!”
The suddenness of this outburst was what startled and resulted in him falling off his chair backwards. In doing this he did he banged his head on something very hard knocking him out, all he could see in front of him was blackness. The noise of the ninja llamas started to fade out. He did smash a teacup.
The sun shone onto the sand, waking George up from his long sleep. As he opened his itchy eyes, he saw that while he was knocked out, he'd landed on a sandy beach. George sat pondering how he 'd got there. Little did he know that the evil sponges were coming to sing at him and feed him cheesecake from the Great Table! For some reason it seemed that Roomy was now wearing a tutu and had turned orange suddenly that wasn’t quite right. George looked back at the sponges and wondered what was going on he had the feelings of apprehension and fear. The realization hit him on his weirdly sore head.
George hated cheesecake and roomy hated signing! They screamed! The sponges were confused, most things like this, even the people who were hardest to please. The sponges hated humans though there was few these days after the inanimate objects took over. They wanted universe domination and they were well on their way. Slowly the beach faded away and George’s dreams changed as he slowly came round rubbing his head and wondering what the hell was going on he thought, ‘why does my head hurt so much, it seems the world is moving around quite a lot and why is that llama wearing cravats and drinking dry box tea?’
Thursday 11 November 2010
Chapter eight.
“Then the frog went to see the dog at the vets, and took him a get-well card and a doggy version of grapes. Then the dog died, but the Frogy woke up and it was all a dream but the frog’s mum had died. They buried the frog at a big posh funeral for frogs and George was unhappy, he missed Frogy. Roomy spoke at the funeral it was a very moving speech and drove all to tears.”
Then like a brick dropping on his head it struck George he didn't know Frogy and what the hell was a huge cathedral doing in the middle of a dense forest? He and roomy looked at each other. They Just could not figure this out so the got up and left when they turned round the church was gone and they were alone with just a lamppost for company. The lamppost started to speak
“Hi there young box, I’ve been here for 2000 years rooted by time travel and forgotten, the first 1500 years were fine, I was pretty much just an object but once I became post-animate that’s when it became dull. Thankfully some little chair always lights me these days. It is nice to talk to some new objects, the chair is sadly deaf, it makes conversation difficult…”
The lamppost continued talking as the duo slowly backed away George mumbled
“I can see why the chair is deaf, if it could hear it wouldn’t keep coming back…”
When they had retreated to a safe distance they sat down on the ground and sighed, that had been one strange dream followed by an abnormal experience.
Then all of a sudden a llama fell from the tree and made them jump.
“Sorry their old chums didn’t see you there!” Bumbled the llama straightening out his waistcoat, “Now where did I put my jacket, ah there.” He reached up and took it from a branch where it was flailing upside down like an angry octopus that’s had too much caffeine.
The llama continued to straighten his clothing out (which was odd been as he was a llama). He offered the scared and stunned objects a nice cup of dry tea and a sandwich (obviously the tea was with lemon and the sandwich cucumber.) This was a tad surprising; it was not normal for llamas. Normally the llamas normally took their tea wet not in the dry block form boxes preferred. George looked up in amazement unlike other llamas it was sitting there, cross-legged drinking a cup of tea how did a llama cross its legs? They were jointed wrong!
Then like a brick dropping on his head it struck George he didn't know Frogy and what the hell was a huge cathedral doing in the middle of a dense forest? He and roomy looked at each other. They Just could not figure this out so the got up and left when they turned round the church was gone and they were alone with just a lamppost for company. The lamppost started to speak
“Hi there young box, I’ve been here for 2000 years rooted by time travel and forgotten, the first 1500 years were fine, I was pretty much just an object but once I became post-animate that’s when it became dull. Thankfully some little chair always lights me these days. It is nice to talk to some new objects, the chair is sadly deaf, it makes conversation difficult…”
The lamppost continued talking as the duo slowly backed away George mumbled
“I can see why the chair is deaf, if it could hear it wouldn’t keep coming back…”
When they had retreated to a safe distance they sat down on the ground and sighed, that had been one strange dream followed by an abnormal experience.
Then all of a sudden a llama fell from the tree and made them jump.
“Sorry their old chums didn’t see you there!” Bumbled the llama straightening out his waistcoat, “Now where did I put my jacket, ah there.” He reached up and took it from a branch where it was flailing upside down like an angry octopus that’s had too much caffeine.
The llama continued to straighten his clothing out (which was odd been as he was a llama). He offered the scared and stunned objects a nice cup of dry tea and a sandwich (obviously the tea was with lemon and the sandwich cucumber.) This was a tad surprising; it was not normal for llamas. Normally the llamas normally took their tea wet not in the dry block form boxes preferred. George looked up in amazement unlike other llamas it was sitting there, cross-legged drinking a cup of tea how did a llama cross its legs? They were jointed wrong!
Wednesday 10 November 2010
Chapter seven.
Later George laughed as he watched his dinner being cooked he remembered the journey of the previous day they had been very interesting but at least he had had a good sleep in the Lettuce man’s camp he had beds made from dried lettuces and blankets of pigeon feathers. But then a lemon pie fell on their head and made them all squishy and yellow. They never did understand why the pie fell. The pie shelves kept high in the tree tops had looked secure the night before when Alf the seagull had mended them on his way to his yoga class. They guessed something had chewed through the strings although it was currently a mystery but this wouldn’t be the case for much longer there were nibbling menaces at large in the forest that day!
The pie incident had driven them to jump into a near by lake leaving them very wet. George hated getting wet because he was a box and being a wet box wasn't very good because he could rip. But roomy had a towel so George was safe. Little did he know that the towel was not a towel, but a disguised version of a towel and wasn't a towel at all? It was a floor tile! Floor tiles were evil and chewed on legs they also had the curious tendency to morph into other items to trick people (loose term). They were notorious in this part of the wood because of the lack of tiled floors it was like being in solitary confinement a forest for a floor tile. It scared George and roomy with it big scary tiley teeth they just knew it was coming for them! George felt a slight tremor in the ground and knew something even odder was about to happen.
The pie incident had driven them to jump into a near by lake leaving them very wet. George hated getting wet because he was a box and being a wet box wasn't very good because he could rip. But roomy had a towel so George was safe. Little did he know that the towel was not a towel, but a disguised version of a towel and wasn't a towel at all? It was a floor tile! Floor tiles were evil and chewed on legs they also had the curious tendency to morph into other items to trick people (loose term). They were notorious in this part of the wood because of the lack of tiled floors it was like being in solitary confinement a forest for a floor tile. It scared George and roomy with it big scary tiley teeth they just knew it was coming for them! George felt a slight tremor in the ground and knew something even odder was about to happen.
Tuesday 9 November 2010
Chapter six.
George didn't like lettuce but Roomy did, and at this point in time that difference in onion mattered. It really did! The lettuce guy wasn't very happy about someone not liking lettuce. Lettuce was his life! Not liking it was inconceivable to him! This made him very sad so he ordered all his pet chips to dance to cheer him up a bit. This seems to be a good plan he loved his pet chips (they were also 80% lettuce by chance).
But the chips inexplicably fell into a rouge frying pan and even though every one tried to save them they fried till there was no potato left. The lettuce man screamed! He stomped his feet and cried, they were his best friends those chips! George tried to comfort him in the best way a box knew how. This included flapping his flaps and dancing on his corners whilst handing out slightly used tissues.
But just had to point out that with his flaps, Roomy’s windows and his leaf imbedded hands (he had a dreadful job-morph illness that affected large numbers of workaholics at that time, it was lucky he didn’t work with holey cheese…) rescuing wasn’t really going to happen. There were so many logistical problems for post-inanimate objects. They just weren’t made to rescue anything never mind small green chips from hot places. But the chips did look quite content even if they were becoming over cooked food like what would be served in a rather low market café with plastic tablecloths and chipboard tables.
But the chips inexplicably fell into a rouge frying pan and even though every one tried to save them they fried till there was no potato left. The lettuce man screamed! He stomped his feet and cried, they were his best friends those chips! George tried to comfort him in the best way a box knew how. This included flapping his flaps and dancing on his corners whilst handing out slightly used tissues.
But just had to point out that with his flaps, Roomy’s windows and his leaf imbedded hands (he had a dreadful job-morph illness that affected large numbers of workaholics at that time, it was lucky he didn’t work with holey cheese…) rescuing wasn’t really going to happen. There were so many logistical problems for post-inanimate objects. They just weren’t made to rescue anything never mind small green chips from hot places. But the chips did look quite content even if they were becoming over cooked food like what would be served in a rather low market café with plastic tablecloths and chipboard tables.
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